Monster Weekend - Newcastle upon Tyne 1-2 September 2007

As flocks of black and white beasts migrated toward Newcastle’s sacred football stadium on Saturday 1 September creatures of a very different kind were the subject of debate in the city's Centre For Life. Monster Weekend was organised to coincide with the current Myths and Monsters exhibition and was a warmly welcomed opportunity for the forteans of the North East - and beyond - to get together and talk strangeness.

Fortean Times stalwart Ian Simmons in his capacity as Director of Science Communications at the Centre For Life had managed to reel in the big fish of forteana and cryptozoology for what one attendee had called, “a greatest hits of Uncon”.

Saturday

Jumping straight into the Dragon’s Den was Richard Freeman of the Centre for Fortean Zoology, giving us a comprehensive account of the history, variations and possible origins of the greatest of monsters – the Dragon. Tantalising us with the theory that monsters may be archetypes of ancient predators stored within our genes as a ‘Fossil Memory’. Richard wondered why all animals, including us, freeze and look skyward whenever a large shadow passes over the Sun. Did a huge aerial predator stalk us way back in the mists of evolution? And was that airborne killer the Dragon?

Minds suitably dilated, we headed on into Charles Paxton’s scrutiny of the Sea Monster and the pitfalls in getting accurate witness accounts. His most audacious addition to the weekend, however, was his suggestion that the unidentifiable serpentine tails spotted by terrified sailors in times past may have been... whale’s penises. Regardless of the titters and gasps accompanying the photos (which Gordon Rutter dubbed “Whale porn”), this made a lot of sense.

Mr Rutter himself was next with a tour of ‘The Imaginary Zoo’. This jolly jaunt through animals both imaginary and misidentified included many examples from his own cabinet of curiosities, including Fur-bearing Trout, Jackalopes and stuffed one-eyed Piglets. Gordon introduced us to the Narwhal, the rare horned Whale whose 9 ft overgrown tooth may have washed up on our shores and given rise to the myth of the Unicorn.

After lunch Jan Bondeson treated us to an enlightening and touching introduction to dicephalus conjoined twins who, throughout history, had been wrongly seen as two-headed human monsters and exhibited as freaks. The Boy of Bengal, the Tocci twins and the Scottish Brothers were famous sensations in their time; and in the case of the latter, well looked after, educated, talented and granted an audience with then king James III.

Local lass Gail Nina Anderson, a favourite fixture of Unconventions, gave us an entertaining visual history of the monster in arts. With luscious illustrations and thought provoking explorations of their symbolism, Gail Nina pondered why some monsters are so easily recognisable and how recorded traditions can shape our expectations.

Day one finished with a panel discussion that allowed a more intimate connection between the speakers and the audience. Asked which cryptid they would like to see discovered the consensus was the Tasmanian Tiger and the Dragon. A question on landscape’s connection to Richard Freeman's Fossil Memory theory prompted a debate on fortean hotspots which served as a suitable teaser for the following day.

Sunday

Our strange congregation gathered once more, only to discover a change in the programme. Loren Coleman, headlining cryptozoologist, was unable to attend due to a cancelled flight. A mishap he had joked was down to the curse of the local myth of the Lambton Worm. Ian Simmons bravely stepped up to take his place with a talk on truth which served as a great belief-suspender and entree to the day’s remaining talks.

Jan Bondeson returned to the pulpit to present to us two very different beasts - the Basilisk and the Vegetable Lamb. Pliny first wrote of the Basilisk and the terrifying and magical creature has stayed in our consciousness ever since. Jan told us of Basilisk scares throughout history in fascinating detail and offered some possible origins of the reptile and its literally petrifying stare whilst deftly explaining the phenomena of cocks laying eggs (hens can change sex, looking male but still having the ability to produce eggs) and the snake-like embryos found in eggs (intestinal worms) which gave credence to the existence of the Basilisk.

The Vegetable Lamb was a bizarre sheep-like form found growing from the ground by the ancients. Supposed examples of this weird ruminant can still be seen in Museums today. Simulacra and fakery were mooted but the likely source of this myth is a fern, Cibotium barometz, whose roots when turned upside down resembled the animal in question.

During the break Charles Paxton carried out an experiment with the audience, asking us to watch a short film and count how many passes the basketball team made. In the midst of this challenge a man in a gorilla costume walked into the shot, thumped his chest and then walked off. Asked how many people had seen anything strange it became clear that must of the audience, although distracted by their task, had seen the gorilla, although some had not. Charles was surprised at the result, claiming that the amount of witnesses not seeing the costumed man was usually higher. This experiment was meant to show the problems endemic to eye witness accounts, but it seemed rather to prove that forteans, particularly Geordie forteans, are smarter than the average bear (or other big hairy monster).

Richard Freeman reclaimed the stage next for a rollicking ride through his recent foreign expeditions in search of such beasts as the Naga, the upright walking ape Orang-pendek, the dragon-like Ninki-Nanka and the Mongolian Death Worm. Always a crowd pleaser, Richard’s engrossing tales of lost valleys, giant plants and pre-school ladyboys were cut short by the schedule and had to be continued after the event. The main moral of these stories seemed to be that no matter how hard you look the physical evidence seems to evaporate, leaving only anecdote, and that dubious at best. Richard is confident, however, that something will be found and he won’t give up looking until it is.

Mark Pilkington and Strange Attractor colleague John Lundberg were next, with a sneak peak of their upcoming documentary Mirage Men. Does the US military literally create monsters, in this case from outer space, to disabuse us from finding out what they’re really up to? Or are they slowly drip-feeding the truth to us through UFO groups and popular media? The pair painted a picture of a duplicitous and untrustworthy world of disinformation and double bluffs, so paranoia-inducing that one audience member even asked Mark and John whether they were pawns in the game.

The last official talk of the weekend was presented by Geordie Mike Hallowell on the North East’s very own sea monster, the Shony. Exhausted after a nasty bout of flu, Mike battled on to deliver a captivating talk, starting with a lively reading of the Lambton Worm song and taking in local witness accounts, local history and folklore.

Mike was open to any suggestions or explanations from the audience, and he received many, including the introduction of our Geordie Sea Serpent's relation to a folkloric monster recorded off the coast of Wales and the ritual of pouring ale into the sea as a form of appeasement or sacrifice, a version of which is repeated on the North East and Scottish coasts. Chillingly, Mike also revealed that human sacrifices made to the local Shony as late as 1928.

He also voiced the opinion, shared by many other North Eastern forteans, that the region often failed to receive as much publicity for its forteana as some areas in the UK: “The North East is, as I said in my talk, largely uncharted territory when it comes to fortean research. There is a vast mine of stories, old legends and eyewitness accounts covering almost every aspect of Forteana and so little of it has been written up.”

Organiser Ian Simmons expressed his pleasure at the success of the Monster Weekend: “I'm extremely happy with how it went, we had some very exciting speakers and it brought people to the Centre For Life that otherwise wouldn’t usually come here.” And this worked both ways, as people had also come from the accompanying exhibition into the talks. Asked whether the weekend was evidence of sufficient interest in the area for more of the same, Ian was confident that it did: “There’s plenty of things in the North East to talk about and we can certainly get the major speakers”.
When the Myths and Monsters exhibition at the Centre For Life finishes on 28 October it will more than likely be heading overseas so catch it while you can!