There’s an increasing trend in horror movies to target the “so-bad-it’s-good” market: one need only look at 2008’s Zombie Strippers or 2009’s RoboGeisha to find examples of studios exploiting viewers into watching knowingly bad films which equate ineptitude with amusement. Bikini Girls On Ice is more of the same, a movie which seems to find its titular moronic premise funnier than anyone watching it is likely to, and comes across as a grating, obnoxious mess with nothing to recommend it beside the leads’ surgically-enhanced assets.
Following not, as one might hope, a troupe of bikini-clad ice-skaters but instead some vacuous nymphettes stranded at an abandoned petrol station and laboriously slaughtered by an insane employee named Moe (who freezes them in a vat of ice), this is sub-standard slasher fare which fails to deliver the tropes it’s supposed to be mimicking (feisty female protagonist, unlikeable supporting cast of randy teens, near-invincible psychopathic antagonist, and so on) or to lampoon or deconstruct them effectively – the prime accomplishment of the Scream franchise, for example.
The film’s purpose – besides, of course, titillation – is unfathomable, as it’s impossible to extract even an ounce of enjoyment from anything it has to offer. Predictably, the acting is dire, the dialogue laboured and the direction atrocious, the whole thing coming across like a murderous Benny Hill sketch wrapped in a smug grin of self-satisfaction at having accomplished its sole goal – the creation of a bad movie.
According to the film’s IMDb trivia page, it was inspired by a dream that a friend of the director had about “putting girls on ice”, and that’s genuinely all it amounts to – a private joke between conceited, untalented individuals who think that viewers are stupid enough to laugh along with them. Don’t let them win: steer well clear of this boring, self-satisfied mess and pray that this irritating genre trend soon subsides.
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