FT263

WHAT THE DEVIL?
In Salt Lake Cemetery, Utah, lies an enigmatic gravestone. The inscription reads: “Lilly E Gray / June 6 1881 – Nov. 14, 1958 / Victim of the Beast 666”. No one can explain it; her obituary states merely that she died in a local hospital from natural causes. World of Mystery, 25 Jan 2010.

BEETLE BAGGED
Small round holes in the tough carapace of an African Goliath beetle had baffled staff at London’s Natural History Museum for years, until forensic tests showed they were caused by buckshot. A Victorian collector had shot the 10cm-long beetle out of the sky. D.Telegraph, 11 Mar 2010.

LATEST DISORDERS
Lost the TV remote and can’t be bothered to get up and change channels? Don’t worry, you’re not lazy, you simply have “sluggish cognitive tempo disorder”. Or maybe you throw a tantrum when you misplace the car keys? A sign of “intermittent explosive disorder”. These are just two of dozens of “conditions” under consideration for the latest edition of Diagnostics and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders. MX News (Sydney), 15 Feb 2010.

DUTCH COCK-UP
Dutch police proudly announced they had found more than 47,000 cannabis plants concealed in a corn field in Flevoland province, with an estimated street value of €4.5 million. Having destroyed half the plants, they were told they belonged to Wageningen University and Research Centre, a school of agriculture. The field contained a new strain of legal hemp intended as a sustainable source of fibre – with only trace elements of psychoactive THC. Gold Coast (Queensland) Weekend Bulletin, 5–6 Sept 2009.

HOUSE STOLEN
Robbers stole an elderly Greek’s 70 sq m holiday home in coastal Rafina, 25km east of Athens, lifting the prefabricated structure off its foundations along with his furniture and other belongings. The man discovered the theft on 4 May. Police were unable to locate the missing house. MX News (Brisbane), 7 May 2009.

PRIZE MORON
A passenger flying from Poland to the East Midlands on a Ryanair flight on 26 February won €10,000 (£8,765) on a scratchcard he had purchased on board. When staff refused to pay him the winnings immed­iately, saying the prize had to be collected directly from the scratchcard company, he flew into a rage and ate his ticket, thus ruling out his chance of claiming the prize. BBC News, 26 Feb 2010.

UKULELE BILLIONAIRE
Warren Buffet, the world’s second richest man, worth around 40 billion dollars, has been giving free ukulele lessons to the North Omaha branch of Girls Incorporated, a US outfit dedicated to inspiring girls to be strong, smart and bold. Girls Inc. executive director Roberta Wilhelm said that, after a lesson, “one girl came to the office and asked: ‘Our ukulele teacher is the second-richest man in the world?’ And I said that’s true. And she said, ‘The first-richest doesn’t play?’” Irish Times, 8 May 2009.

WRONG NAPOLEON
US televangelist Pat Robert­son explained the Haiti earthquake to his TV audience: “Something happened in Haiti a long time ago… They were under the heel of the French… uh, Napoleon the Third or whatever, and they got together and swore a pact with the Devil. They said: ‘We will serve you if you get us free from the French.’ True story. And so, the Devil said, ‘OK, it’s a deal.’ And they kicked the French out.” Irish Times, 16 Jan 2010.

THE BUTT OF JOKES
On 17 August 2009, the Can­adian government put out a press release in the Inuktitut language that inadvertently said the Prime Minister would make several appearances in a “place of many shit-covered bottoms”. Instead of Iqaluit (the capital of Nunavut), the release put Iqualuit. The root word “iquq” refers to “fecal matter remaining on the outer layer of the anus post-defecat­ion”; the suffix “aluit” makes it plural. (Toronto) Globe & Mail, 19 Aug 2009.

LIKE THAT WOULD STOP HIM
A middle-aged man aboard a Qantas flight from Sydney to Singapore was overheard threatening to use mind power to bring down the aircraft. Stewards cuffed his arms and legs for the rest of the flight. ABC News, 6 April 2010.

JAILED FOR WEATHER MAGIC
A court in Lilongwe, Malawi, sentenced a farmer to two months’ jail with hard labour for casting a spell that prevented rain from falling on his neighbour’s field. He had confessed to a charge of witchcraft. Malawi is stricken by drought. Sunday Mercury, 21 Feb 2010.

BUT IS IT ART?
In an amusing reversal of the usual avant-garde mispercept­ion story, visitors to a gallery thought a mess left by burglars was an art installation. Dario Illari, owner of the venue in Crouch End, north London, said several people praised the “work”. Computer gear had been stolen, but artworks were left untouched. Sun, 5 Mar 2010.

WAR PRODIGY
A three-headed baby was allegedly born in Fallujah, Iraq. Doctors said other birth defects as well as cancers and brain damage have risen sharply since a 2004 blitz by US forces. Water was polluted with toxins including white phosphorus bombs. Sun, 5 Mar 2010.

REMOTER CONTROL
Huang Chen, 19, mystified medics when he turned up drunk at Hunan Hangtian Hosp­ital in Changsha, complaining of pain in his backside. While being examined, he turned over in bed, and inadvertently changed channel on the ward’s television. X-rays revealed a TV remote control lodged up his bottom. It turned out to be a prank played by flatmates on Chen when he collapsed after a boozy night out. The remote was a write-off. Metro, D.Mirror, 10 Dec 2009.

BEARD AND GROOM
A newlywed Arab ambassador lifted his bride’s veil to kiss her – and found that she had a beard and was cross-eyed. The woman, a doctor in her 30s, hid her looks behind a niqab throughout their short courtship. “She had a nice personality,” said a wedding guest, “but there was good reason why she was hiding.” A Sharia court in Dubai annulled the arranged marriage after the ambassa­dor, in his 40s, claimed he was tricked by photos of his bride’s pretty sister. Sun, 11 Feb 2010.

VALENTINE FAMILY
Bradley Cooper, nine, was born on Valentine’s Day, as was his mother Sarah and his late great grandfather Ronald. Bizarrely, they were all born at exactly 3.55pm on 14 February – in 1921, 1975 and 2000. And last year a film called Valentine’s Day came out, starring another Bradley Cooper. Plymouth Herald, 12 Feb 2010.

BED EXPLODES
A man who tried to fix his leaky air mattress blew up his apartment in Düsseldorf, Germany. The 45-year-old plugged the hole with tyre repair solvent and left it overnight. When he tried to inflate the bed the next day, there was an explos­ion. “A spark from the electric air pump ignited it,” said the fire brigade. The blast sent the living room wall into the stairwell of the 12-apartment building and caused extensive damage to walls, windows and furniture. The man burnt his arms and a three-year-old girl suffered first-degree burns. [R] 15 July 2009.

MAGIC STONE
A Polish plumber has turned faith healer after finding a mystical stone. Jacek Slominski found the artefact, which has a big ‘Z’ carved into it, while digging up the drain under his house in the eastern city of Bialystok. “As soon as I touched it, I felt this tremendous energy,” he said. Metro, 4 Mar 2010.